If you’re reading this, you’re likely seeking more than just statistics or emotional backstories. This is a real conversation for real people—men and women—who want to understand a part of what’s happening with mental health in our communities and what we can do to make a difference. This does not cover everything nor is it a collective voice. There are things in here that are nuanced and border on topics that can be “delicate” in today’s sensitive polar climate. This isn’t about casting blame or portraying men as victims. It’s about raising awareness, challenging stigma, and taking actionable steps to help those who might be silently struggling.
My Journey Through Mental Health, Isolation, and Sobriety
My personal journey through mental health, addiction, and sobriety is deeply tied to why I wrote this. Almost three years sober from alcoholism and the road has been anything but straightforward. In my darkest moments, I was a hermit—isolated, drowning myself with alcohol, and withdrawing from the world. Most of my recovery has also been marked by similar introverted habits and tendencies. It’s something I’ve struggled with both in and out of my drinking days, and I’ve come to accept that a part of me may always be that way.
Isolation is a common thread among many men facing mental health challenges. It’s not just about being physically alone but that is a big part of it; it’s about emotional disconnection—a feeling that even in a crowded room, you are utterly by yourself. This loneliness can amplify feelings of hopelessness and despair, particularly for men who are conditioned to believe that expressing vulnerability is a sign of weakness.
Out of my final rehab at Recovery Centers of Montana, I not only got support but found meaning in engaging with addiction and development work. Before I walked out of rehab, I was helping research State codes, ASAM projects, and grant development. I worked on developing a Veteran curriculum, nearly became ACLC, networked for clients with thousands of people at RES in Las Vegas and Mansfield Metcalf Dinner in Helena, MT, and developed an original curriculum for suicide prevention. Becoming a QPR-certified suicide prevention trainer was a turning point. Training faith leaders across Montana was impactful and meaningful.
Since starting Stigma Marketing again, the masculinity and programs content development work I’ve done and conversations with others have only highlighted my inner struggles were not uncommon, and understand my story better. It helped give me language and see things clearer. And that hurt a lot because it meant seeing myself even more honestly…it wasn’t fun. There’s been a lot of shame to work through. With that said:
Men are often expected to be “tough,” ignore their feelings, accept all responsibility, and put on a brave face. This conditioning can lead to a tragic end—one where too many men suffer and it’s hurting relationships. I’ve been there, and I know how dangerous that silence can be. The expectation to just be a way and perform, without the real authentic connections of family that are biologically intrinsic to us, without time for change and transition, without the language and freedom to be authentic about the ugliness that lies within and where it comes from, well…to do all of that word vomit takes a lot of real personal work. Frankly, our society sucks at it and we both know it.
The Silent Epidemic: Loneliness and the Mental Health Crisis Among Men
The statistics are clear and devastating. Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, with the highest rates among middle-aged white men. But these numbers don’t capture the full story. They don’t tell you about the fathers, brothers, husbands, and friends who carry unseen burdens, often without a safe place to unload them.
Loneliness is not just an emotional state; it’s a public health crisis. We are in an “epidemic of loneliness,” with men disproportionately affected. Studies show that men today have fewer friends than ever before, and the deep, meaningful friendships that men used to have in earlier generations have waned. The rugged individualism celebrated by society has left men isolated, and without a network of close relationships, they lack the social support essential for mental well-being.
Depression, anxiety, substance use, and trauma all play significant roles in this crisis. 40% of men experience symptoms of mental health adversity and most are undiagnosed. The ones that are, studies are show that 41% to 75% of men are initially misdiagnosed. At least one in five people with severe mental illness are unable to recognize that they have an illness. This is showing up in our society as what some are calling “male normative alexymathia.”
Men often don’t have the language or the societal permission to express these struggles openly. Itt’s called emotional externalizing and it shows up in typically male ways. It’s the “Fishing is my therapy” shirt you see Grandpa wearing. We can shrug at it and not sure how to deal with other men who are. We bottle, avoid, “focus,” and get distracted. It’s worth noting it’s just men. Everyone is ghosting everyone nowadays. The stigma remains, creating a culture where acknowledging mental health issues is seen as a weakness rather than a step toward healing.
Understanding Depression in Men: A Complex Issue
Depression among men is complex and often misunderstood. Unlike the stereotypical portrayal of depression as constant sadness or crying, men may express their depression through anger, irritability, or reckless behavior. They may not even recognize these behaviors as signs of depression. This lack of awareness is compounded by societal pressures that encourage men to remain stoic and emotionally detached.
The reality is that depression can stem from a mix of factors: genetic predisposition, unresolved childhood trauma, ongoing stress, diet, lifestyle, and more. Understanding that depression is not a one-size-fits-all condition is crucial. It’s not just about a chemical imbalance in the brain; it’s also about the stories we tell ourselves, the trauma we carry, and the lives we live.
The truth in Montana is that white males are only one group disporportionally struggling. LGBTQ+, Native Americans, and Veterans all share this malody in common. Suicide knows no demographic. Much of what I’ve written specifically about men also apply directly to not just these other three groups but also to many of us struggling with managing daily life and family relations.
Practical Steps to Help Change the Stigma Around Mental Health
For community leaders, small business owners, and anyone who interacts with people regularly, there are practical steps you can take to help change the stigma around mental health and suicide. These steps have the added benefit of practicing some healthy team and communication skills. Think of yourself as a gatekeeper—someone who regularly engages with people who might be struggling. Gatekeepers play a critical role in Missoula & Montana suicide prevention, and being equipped with the right tools and mindset can make all the difference.
1. Be Okay with People Not Being Okay
We live in a world that often expects everyone to be “fine.” But sometimes, people aren’t fine, and that’s okay. The first step in reducing stigma is normalizing conversations about mental health. When someone says they’re struggling, resist the urge to offer solutions immediately. Sometimes, what people need most is to feel heard and understood.
2. Empathize and Let People Vent
When people are going through a tough time, it can help immensely just to have someone listen. Empathize with their situation, validate their feelings, and let them get out why they feel the way they feel. Venting to another human being can provide relief and help them feel less alone. This doesn’t mean you need to have all the answers; often, just listening is enough.
3. Be Okay with Asking Awkward Questions
Asking direct questions like, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” can feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most effective ways to prevent suicide. People are often afraid to bring up the subject for fear of planting the idea, but research shows that asking direct questions can actually reduce suicidal ideation. Practice asking these questions in a calm and open way, and don’t shy away from the topic if someone gives you clear warning signs.
4. Develop a Safety Plan
If someone you know is struggling, work with them to develop a Safety Plan. This is a practical, actionable document that outlines steps they can take to get through moments of crisis. A Safety Plan can include things like identifying warning signs, listing personal coping strategies, setting up a support network, and removing access to potentially lethal means. I have one myself, and I’ve helped others create theirs. It’s not about treating someone like they’re broken; it’s about empowering them with tools to get through the tough times.
5. Practice Healthy Boundaries with Empathetic Communication
Supporting someone doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own mental health. Establishing healthy boundaries is essential. Be honest and clear in your communication, and remember that it’s okay to protect your own emotional well-being while being there for others. Active listening is key; it involves being present in the conversation, reflecting back on what you’ve heard, and responding with empathy.
Tip: Practice Active Listening with your close relationships. People close to us can be hurting too.
The Role of Local Businesses and Leaders: Changing the Narrative
Missoula businesses and community leaders have a unique opportunity to help shift the narrative around mental health and suicide prevention. You’re often the first point of contact for people who might be struggling. Whether you’re a stylist, a healthcare worker, a teacher, or a budtender, you interact with individuals who may not feel safe discussing their struggles elsewhere.
1. Create Safe Spaces for Open Dialogue
Consider how your business or organization can create an environment where conversations about mental health are normalized. This might mean hosting community events or workshops focused on mental health awareness or incorporating mental health resources into your existing services.
2. Train Your Team as Gatekeepers
Gatekeepers are individuals who have regular, often close contact with many people and are in a position to notice changes in behavior. Examples include stylists, healthcare professionals, teachers, budtenders, and bartenders. Offering training for your staff to become certified gatekeepers can have a huge impact. By being able to recognize the warning signs and knowing how to respond, your team can help save lives.
3. Encourage Mental Health Days and Self-Care Practices
Encouraging self-care and mental health days can be more than just a policy—it can be a cultural shift in your organization. When leaders model and support taking time off for mental health, it sends a powerful message that mental well-being is a priority.
4. Offer Free Resources and Tools
Provide access to resources like brochures, contact information for local mental health services, or links to online support networks. Sometimes, just having this information available can make a significant difference. There are a number of local and Montana mental health resources and services out there.
I’d like to emphasize making 988 a normal thing like 911. 988 is the National Mental Health Crisis Line and it’s meant for anyone experiencing a mental crisis. It’s free and anonymous. Real trained people are there to help no matter the situation. Share it with people and think about it when someone you know is struggling.
The Importance of Suicide Prevention Training for Gatekeepers
At Stigma Marketing, I offer free 1-hour certified suicide prevention training for small teams that serve people. This training is valuable for those regularly engaging with people who could be struggling with their mental health. Examples of gatekeepers include stylists, budtenders, healthcare workers, teachers, bartenders, and many others who work closely with the public.
This training is designed to expose and challenge the stigma around suicide, help people recognize the warning signs, and equip them with the tools to comfortably help those who are struggling. It’s about empowering individuals and organizations to take proactive steps in suicide prevention.
If you’re interested in learning more about this training, email me or request more information here.
Conclusion: We All Have a Role to Play
The journey to better mental health and suicide prevention is a collective one. We all have a role to play—whether as individuals, business owners, or community leaders. By acknowledging the problem, engaging in open dialogue, and taking concrete actions, we can make a real difference.
If you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. If you see someone struggling, know that you can help. Together, we can break the stigma, support one another, and build a community where mental health is prioritized and valued.
P.S. – Don’t forget about 988.