As someone who’s been in the trenches of both personal growth and professional development, I want to share a genuine update on what’s happening behind the scenes at Stigma Marketing & Development. It’s been a journey of growth—not just for the business, but for me personally. I don’t hide my history with alcoholism, at least not as much anymore.
One-on-one, in private, I could easily talk about my recovery and confidently navigate the conversation. Looking back, I was getting more comfortable with it for many reasons: time, growth, and getting over the shame that drove me to alcohol in the first place. Yet, starting Stigma wasn’t exactly a black-and-white, clean decision. What was a clear decision was to leave my GM position at a fast “craft” food restaurant. Several things were going on then:
Navigating the Messy Reality of Career Decisions
There was plenty of avoidance, distraction, and depression that pushed me from my MBA studies to taking an assistant manager position, with hopes of a promotion. It was an authentic decision for financial reasons. This is actually part of Stigma Marketing & Development’s history.
In my early recovery, I had a solid social net, program, and plan. During that time, I started Stigma Marketing & Development. I had a short go at Stigma Designs over a decade ago, but this time I actually had work lined up, curated for my skill sets. I learned a lot about ASAM, addiction, psychology, some grant writing, curriculum development, training, networking, and a whole year of doing suicide prevention and curriculum development. I also managed to crank out the lion’s share of an MBA with extra marketing courses… BTW, I love classes… school, meh.
For several reasons—one big one being financial, to fix some of the wreckage from my past and set me up to make improvements in my relationship with my children in another state—I dropped out of graduate school and ended up becoming an Arby’s GM.
Fast Food: Not as Easy as It Seems
I learned a lot, to be honest. While I had about a decade of collective experience in restaurants, I thought fast food would be easy… well… I was wrong. The systems and management were similar enough, and I was able to pick up things quickly without training. After being handed the GM spot—still without training—we improved things. I was still struggling. Life is complicated, how it weaves in and out from personal to professional, to inner struggles, to the leftover pizza we ate last night.
During the holidays, I became overwhelmingly aware of how long it had been since I’d had any real dad time with my kids, and the distance was too great. I was also aware, internally, that I wasn’t meant to be in a fast “craft” food chain anymore, especially at the pay I was making.
There were some early opportunities, and I already had one client and maybe another. So, after a tumultuous few weeks, I turned in my 4-week notice, and the haphazard plan that naturally led to Stigma Marketing & Development’s rebirth was created.
The Rebirth of Stigma Marketing & Development
It’s a serious attempt to unify an authentic self and synchronize the gist of my skill sets. Looking back, it’s obvious I’d be here now. Recovering Pastor = Marketing + Development… that could have been one heck of a branding slogan! (Now I’m thinking about it…)
However, just as I was ignorant of how much more work recovery is than just being sober, I now have a profound respect for anyone who has started a business. There are some things they don’t—or rather can’t—teach in an MBA course. When the dark nights come, and all your good ideas that seemed solid start to unravel, when you’re not sure what expert to quote, and your heart and mind are torn in three directions, logic goes out the window. We like to think we’re logical… but we are not fundamentally, not at our core. I’m an analytical, emotional ball of weirdness. I think thinking is underrated and not well done nowadays, but that’s not the point. The point is I am not purely a logical being, and when I pretend I am, I will make up logic and find reasons for why things aren’t working out… and not just in business, by the way.
The Challenge of Authentic Business
I think some people—no, we know some people, through fate, the gods, or sheer will—have what it takes to successfully launch, build, grow, and lead a healthy, authentic business. And do it while maintaining healthy relationships and finding meaning in the present.
We also know that businesses don’t have that kind of reputation… they have a bit of a stigma… so does marketing… so, of course, a recovering pastor wanted to brand his business with Stigma Marketing & Development.
Listen… I think I’m funny, and if you don’t think my brand is onto something… go read about the Purple Llama in my rudimentary Marketing Basics blog post. However, I digress.
The Power of Asking the Right Questions
Tony Robbins said, “The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself.” This couldn’t be truer for someone navigating both business and recovery. In both areas, asking the right questions has been transformative. Whether it’s understanding what clients truly need or figuring out how to maintain my own mental and emotional balance, the quality of the questions we ask can lead us to better, more impactful decisions. Every business decision is a chance to dig deeper, uncover something new, and grow from that discovery.
It’s important for adapting, researching, and being present anyway. While sticking to your core values is non-negotiable, the strategies, tactics, and even service offerings must adapt based on real-time feedback from the market. There are relationships and humans involved in a big digital world. Those who remain overly rigid in their plans often find themselves left behind. Asking the right questions means first being willing to ask them.
Lessons Learned Through Starting A Business:
Stigma has a lot now that is personal, that’s refined, that has language, proof of concepts, and even testimonials. However, it also required a lot more out of me than I thought. Here are some things I wish I had known and been “ready” for when it comes to starting a local marketing and development business:
Learn to Be Authentic Without Being Transparent: This can relate to tactics, negotiations, marketing, personal relationships, social media, parenting, and so much more. I think that transparency is not something to be afraid of and is a healthy value to aspire to. However, what isn’t someone’s business isn’t their business. Don’t hide behind masks or put on fronts. Don’t fall for the temptation of exaggerating or minimizing. The best way is authenticity. This is where your story, even your stigmas, become stories and ideas… and they take a life of their own if you let them.
Constantly Evaluate and Adapt: This is not about “don’t stick with something.” We too often depend on quick results for our personal and business lives. However, early on, your business is young, and even if you know your industry, took some classes, and have a website… people don’t know you, and you don’t know people yet. For example, you don’t know:
Embrace Development: Speaking of development, I love it. I’m good at it. I come alive. It’s crazy what can happen, and… earnestly, I’ve not used it to its full potential in the past because of my former issues with imposter syndrome, shame, and leadership. It was during my time getting Stigma Marketing & Development off the ground that I finally remembered everything that I just wrote about development. Now, it’s been seasoned through recovery and a diverse range of professional backgrounds… with a splash of an unfinished MBA. It was because of developing, personally, as a business owner, that a business has been possible at all. Finishing things requires development.
Know Your Ego Well: Every leader has a blind spot, and the ego can be the biggest one. Let me explain my view of ego, as I hear different definitions from experts. Ego is our current awareness and perception, whether we are aware of it or not. It’s not about having an inflated sense of self. That’s ego and depression is the other side of the same spectrum. It can be a struggle vacillating between the two. This is ego too. It’s the parts of our “identity” that are not necessarily us. These things will define more than you realize. Get people around you who know you and can call your bluff and bullcrap. Make sure people know your story, weaknesses, and proclivities. You know, people who actually give a crap about you.
Get Your $h!+ Together: If you have a grasp of what this means for you personally, please skip ahead. If you haven’t yet, starting a business is no time to think it’s going anywhere. Most business startups fail, not because of money or really anything else. It really, logically, always comes down to a person. If you really want a growing, healthy business, unresolved issues that we can’t be honest with ourselves about won’t help.
Know Your $h!+: Be serious about working on your craft and finding your niche. Specialize and focus on what you do best. Pay attention. Understand your market and be clear about who you are, what you do, and why you do it. The more specific you can be, the better your chances of reaching the right people.
Gratitude and Moving Forward
Gratitude is a journey in itself, and there’s still much to learn. The support and advice from everyone have been truly transformative, especially since the shift to sobriety. The insights gained and the things once missed have shaped this path in unexpected ways. Sometimes days are hard, dark even, but they’re just days. Gratitude has always worked when I’ve let it and there are so many people I am grateful for who’ve been part of my story. Part of the fun of business, I think, is that authentic gratitude is an amazing tool, path, teacher, and reward.
Just since being sober, the experiences I’ve been able to have with Veterans, Native Americans, Addiction & Recovery, Business, Suicide Prevention, & General Managing Arby’s is something I’ve too long taken for granted. Doing so makes it hard to learn the lessons. The number of people who have been a part of my life, who made me smile or showed me something, is humbling. The number of people who have put up me me is laughable…they have issues. But really, it was always me getting in the way of myself.
Running a business has proven to be more than just work; it’s about growth, learning, and shared experiences. It’s a continual process of evolving and improving together. Business always begins with a person and involves other people. Do it authentically.
In the next update, expect a look at the latest developments with Stigma Marketing & Development, including a new WordPress website and other exciting digital marketing projects.