Mark Manson, in Everything is F*cked, points out that the world is having a crisis of growing up—and this is something I don’t just agree with, as if Manson was the first to say it. I’ve lived it, and it has transformed both my life and my business. Growing up is a concept that has helped me more than I can even fully articulate, and it’s not just for people like me who have had to confront deep personal challenges like addiction. It’s for anyone navigating the complexities of life, relationships, and career.
Manson’s earlier book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, was a game-changer during my last rehab. It helped me to understand radical acceptance, a practice that became essential in reshaping how I faced fears and life. These lessons not only applied in my personal life but in business, too. As I near 40, the journey of growing up isn’t over—and frankly, it can’t finish soon enough. This process is a process, and it’s only now that I’ve truly come to appreciate it.
There’ve been so many people who’ve helped me and shown me things along the way. It’s not that maturity isn’t there. It’s that so many people are dealing with it. This is not a manufactured issue. Research on immaturity in the workplace shows that emotional immaturity and behaviors akin to middle school conflicts often manifest during workplace disputes. For example, emotionally immature individuals may display self-centeredness, struggle to resolve conflicts and fail to show empathy, leading to unresolved tensions and persistent drama, much like adolescent behavior in school. Such immaturity is marked by impulsivity, lack of self-reflection, and the inability to view conflicts from another’s perspective, contributing to ongoing interpersonal issues in professional settings (Psychology Today).
Studies also reveal that people who experience bullying or relational conflict in school are at a higher risk of encountering similar dynamics in the workplace. This is particularly true for individuals who were bullied during adolescence, as workplace bullying often mirrors the power dynamics and social exclusion patterns seen in schools. Emotional immaturity, such as lashing out during conflicts or reverting to childhood defense mechanisms, can exacerbate these situations (BioMed Central).
Such behaviors contribute to a toxic workplace environment, where emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills are critical for fostering healthy relationships. While these seem like extremes, what they highlight is a spectrum of issues all related to growing up and maturity and most of us can find ways we relate to it. The statistics suggest that immaturity has real business and marketing implications. I know personally this to be true for me and many of my clients. It’s not a “bad” thing – it’s just a reality of changing lives and seasons.
The Common Struggle: Growing Up Is for Everyone
Growing up is a theme that runs through all our lives, regardless of our age. Over the past 7 months of restarting Stigma Marketing & Development, it has been a recurring conversation I’ve had with friends, colleagues, and clients. Many people around my generation are facing similar things. Missoula AA groups taught me that accepting my circumstances and owning my part in them, is the best way to approach life. This rigorous self-honesty is a cornerstone not just for addicts, but for everyone. It’s a truth of life for every human being, whether you’re in recovery or not. Every new phase, career, and challenge requires us to learn and adapt.
As a recovering alcoholic, my journey involved a lot of growing up—one mantra, one habit, and one small change at a time. They say recovery is simple: you just have to change everything. Boy, do I get that now. But this challenge isn’t just for those of us in recovery; it’s something we all face. In a world full of dopamine-driven distractions and identity crises, the fear of growing up has become a shared experience. Phrases like “Have fun while you’re young” or “Adulting sucks” reflect this avoidance. Many adults avoid the reality of growing up.
Many older adults are discovering they’ve only partially grown up, still struggling with the very things they thought they had outgrown. Adultophobia—the fear of growing up—is real, if the word is still made up, and it’s about facing our mortality, being responsible for our actions, and owning our baggage. This phobia is why we often see boys in men’s bodies and girls in women’s. It’s why so many “adult” relationships resemble middle school dramas more than the mature, intimate, and authentic partnerships we all dream of but rarely achieve.
Why Growing Up Matters in Business and Marketing
The fear of growing up doesn’t just play out in personal life—it shows up in the professional world, especially. The issue is a lot of kids are pretending to be professional adults. In business, people can have great ideas, incredible products, and all the necessary tools, yet when businesses fail, it’s often tied to a lack of personal growth. Often, “faking until you make it” leads to us breaking. The Imposter Syndrome and the gap between the reality we’re trying to put up front and the reality of what’s inside become too inseparable. No gap at all is ideal.
One of the biggest challenges for start-ups is cash flow, but it’s rarely about the money being gone—it’s about the underlying problems. 82% of businesses fail due to cash flow issues, but the truth is that these failures are usually rooted in poor planning, weak leadership, and a lack of accountability. Businesses are meant to bring in cash, and if they’re not, the problem is different than just financials. Perhaps, cash flow was just the convenient excuse at the time to bail.
In marketing, this struggle is especially apparent. Plans fail because of lack of follow-through, consistency, and commitment to doing the little things. Slow and steady is more true today than ever. We like instant and quick results without thought, planning, work, and investment – it’s kind of childish, eh? I dislike administrative tasks, details, and the mundane parts of the job—but grown-ups don’t complain about these things. They just do them – no drama, no grumbling. Discipline, as Jim Rohn put it, “is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” Without it, we’re just dreaming.
Leadership and Team Development: A Key to Team Success
If growing up is a challenge for individuals, it’s even more critical for leaders and teams. In Missoula and beyond, businesses face constant pressures to innovate, grow, and succeed in competitive markets. If we don’t have our crap together, someone else does and could do the same thing. Leaders need to foster a culture of maturity and acceptance within their teams. Growing up as a team means having direct conversations, delegating effectively, and owning responsibilities. It also means embracing change—because the future isn’t something we can control, but it’s something we can prepare for. Change is a reality and learning how to dance with it is so much better than avoiding it.
Working in suicide prevention and addiction recovery since being sober, as well as management, business & marketing studies, and helping clients with their dreams and big ideas, I’ve seen firsthand how it’s almost always our own selves that hold us back. We get scared, we doubt, and we look for reasons to distract ourselves from facing what’s uncomfortable. But here’s the thing: It’s only uncomfortable at first. Once you face it, the fear of growing up—like the fear of change—dissipates. Perhaps we just don’t know what we’re missing out on because we’re so afraid of letting go of what we think we have now.
Embracing Growth, Not Fearing It
Growing up isn’t something to dread. Fearing it and dreading it is part of the problem—probably coming from the emotional baggage handed down to us by previous generations. But this isn’t just a personal issue; it’s a professional one as well. In some sense, we can never leave our baggage at the door of work. In both life and business, the people who succeed are often the ones who grow up—emotionally, intellectually, and in their ability to lead themselves and others.
The reason we fear growing up is because we all know there are personal things we know we have to let go of and change. This process hurts and we know it. Manson, in Everything is F*cked, said, “People must grieve the loss of who they used to be in order to become someone new.” This same truth is in marketing and business. Seth Godin says, “The alternative to doing something new is doing the same thing.” If we want something different in our lives, we have to do our lives differently.
At Stigma Marketing & Development, this concept of growing up has become central to how I approach both my life and my business. It’s not about perfection or having everything figured out – I’ve learned from those mistakes too. It’s about stepping up, owning your part, and facing the uncomfortable truths head-on. It’s about accepting people and circumstances, being present and empathetic, embracing life, and making our own realities. Growing up isn’t the enemy—it’s the key to thriving in a chaotic world. The enemy is our childish egos holding on and getting in the way.